Shit or Get Off the Pot

I don't know what 2 do. I have 2 admit it's nice 2 b wanted, but I wish someone else could make decisions 4 me in cases like this. I had two appointments today and basically had 2 offers. Great, right? Well, I would have to work double the hours that I work now, but they would both put me at almost triple what I'm making right now, and that's just in the first year! Again, great right? Well, if I do that, there is no way I'll have any time 4 my music. What would I be sacrificing?

Music makes me unbelievably happy ... but it just doesn't pay the bills. And if I'm honest with myself, what have I even done in the last 6 months?

I'm going 2 B 30 this year. It's high time I either take a shit or get off the pot, so to speak. If I'm going to really and truly pursue a career in music, that should be all I do. I've said it time and time again ... yet I just don't or can't see any economic promise to taking that route. A 30 year old black gay man making urban pop almost rock music has a chance of making millions of dollars ... but only a slim chance. It has a much greater chance of leaving me balls ass broke. Or, I could go this other route, work really hard for 5 years, invest right and have enough money to then work when I want 2, if I want 2 and do whatever I want 2. When I think about it, 5 years isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things. I've been at my current company for over 5 years now ... and what do I have to show for it? I'm still in debt, still struggling with my music and no early retirement plan in sight. So, basically, not a damn thing!

I think it is indeed time 2 get off the pot and be realistic about my future. It's just that it almost feels like I'd be burying a part of me ... even though I know that wouldn't be the case. I know that whatever I choose, I'll ALWAYS do music when I can, only if it's just for me. It's what makes me feel alive.

"Oh, I.. I..., I'm still alive!" - Pearl Jam, Alive